the hospital stay

Much of the hospital stay is a big blur! I wish I would've written something down earlier but you know I have twins. Eric was a huge help because I couldn't do much but lay around and nurse. My parents arrived the day after the birth and they were a great comfort and a lot of help as well.

It was really hard trying to take care of two babies, learning how to nurse and recovering from both types of delivery. On top of all that I had this horrible rash all over my legs and feet and they were still extremely swollen. I also lost a lot of blood during the c-section and had to have a blood transfusion. It was a crazy time for me. Not only was I exhausted physically but emotionally as well. I really wanted to have the birth I had practiced, envisioned and prepared for and it didn't quite go as I had hoped. But the boys arrived safe and were healthy and that was the number one goal so of course I was happy. But I was still coping with the fact that I had to have a c-section, which was the number one thing I didn't want.

Another interesting thing I remember thinking was that I pushed one baby out and next thing I knew I was going under and when I woke up I had two babies. It was really weird to experience one of their births but not the other. I also felt guilty that I didn't get to see Nathan be birthed or hold him right away but I did with Thomas.

 

Something else that I felt (that I wasn't expecting) was an inability to enjoy it all like I so desperately wanted to. It was hard to enjoy it and soak up the joy of these new babies because my body was trying to recover from so many things and I was just trying to stay afloat. I wanted time to slow down a little and my recovery to speed up so I could cherish my little boys how I had always imagined I would. Really the first 6 months were so hard and I was just trying to get through the days that I had a hard time enjoying most of it. I kept wishing the newborn stage would end and therefore felt like I didn't enjoy their littleness and the excitement of having a newborn. I blame it on the twin factor. Or maybe my expectations were too high. I imagined (with one baby) this beautiful, peaceful, happy time snuggling with a little baby all day. And that was not my reality with the twins. Trying to meet both their needs usually at the exact same time was (and sometimes still is) very difficult. But I would never EVER change having twins. They are so fun and it's been such a privilege to be mom to these amazing boys.

 

The boys did great in the hospital and only lost a little weight. Thomas nursed like a champion from the start but Nathan took a day or two to get the hang of it. I was blessed when it came to nursing, I never had any problems and it never really hurt that bad. We did have some ups and downs the first couple months but from what I've heard from others experiences, I think the boys were great and I had it pretty easy.

The hospital and nurses were great but I still experienced the typical hospital things like never really being able to sleep and not having good food. One of my regrets is that I didn't (or that I didn't make someone) take more pictures with a regular camera. We have a lot from our iphones which I am grateful for but the quality is lacking.

 

We ended up spending 4 days in the hospital and all went home together.

Except I forgot shoes so I walked out of the hospital with bare feet.

 

 



20 miles

over our 2 days in sedona and 1 day in flagstaff we hiked a total of 20 miles. my legs are sore. it was such a good weekend. it reminded me of our trip to canada in august 2007... gorgeous scenery, camping, hiking, exploring new places and endless hours with E. pictures and stories tomorrow.

we {a long wordy version of our journey}

E is totally supportive of me and I love it. But I also love that I can ask for his opinion and he gives it honestly. Because we are in this infertility together, I am having him preview my posts for his thoughts/advice/changes. So honestly, he's not a fan of the posts this week, but knows that I feel strongly about posting them, so he supports me. But after this week full of infertility I will refrain from posting about it so frequently. I'll most likely go back to my usual approach, random thoughts and feelings posted when they come upon me.

E and I met at BYU-Hawaii in June of 2003, just 2 weeks after I graduated from high school. We had 2 classes together and after our first date, spent almost every waking moment together. It was an amazing 2 months of laid back life in Laie, Hawaii. Then at the end of the summer I flew back to CA and E to UT. We dated long distance for 4 months but worked it out so that we ended up seeing each other every 3 or 4 weeks during those 4 months. I made my way to UT in December of 2003 and moved in with some a-mazing girls {Tracie and Courtney – I had some of the funniest and silliest times of my life with them. I will never forget how much they just loved me and accepted me}. E and I continued to date and were both enrolled in school full time. Then in February 2004, E proposed to me in Snow Canyon near St George, UT. It feels so long ago but was just a short {almost} 6 years back when we got sealed in the Salt Lake Temple in July 2004. E and I got married young. I was just a teenager, 19 years old and E wasn’t much older at 22.

Because we were so young when we wed, we decided to wait several years before we had babies. In the mean time we enjoyed life together. I got my associates degree in 2006 and E got his bachelors degree in 2007. Then three and a half years after we got married, in December of 2007 we decided to start trying for those babies. And try we did. I ignorantly assumed it would happen instantly. As if all you had to do was say, “I’m ready, give me that baby” and poof you would be pregnant. I hadn’t even considered any other scenario. I started buying pregnancy and baby books right away {and now 2 years later those books sit on the shelf and mock me every time I walk by}.

Then 6 months passed and I still wasn’t pregnant but instead got to “birth” a kidney stone. After the kidney stone in June 2008 I decided to go to the doctor about not being able to get pregnant. He turned me away and said he wouldn’t even consider anything related to infertility until we had tried to conceive for at least a year. So I went home and decided that instead of just waiting around for another 6 months, I needed to start learning more and reading everything I could find on the subject of ovulation, conceiving and fertility. I did some research and decided to read “Taking Charge of your Fertility”. It is a great book and while I was reading it, started to track my basal body temperature and body signs to determine when I ovulated. This whole process was very enlightening and I learned a lot. But I was very discouraged and still in denial that anything was actually wrong. I charted my ovulation for another 5 months and determined that I did ovulate {yeah} but sometimes it was a little later than the “average woman”. But that shouldn't stop me from getting pregnant and I still wasn't pregnant.

I went back to the doctor after 11 months of trying to conceive {5 months after previous visit} and showed him all my documentation from the previous 5 months. The doctor told us that normally at this point he would tell the couple to go home and try for another 3 months while charting and documenting everything. But because I had already done that he would start evaluating our situation right then. I was so happy that I followed the inspiration to start monitoring my body and keeping track of everything. The doc started me on clomid {because of my slightly late ovulation} and ordered a semen analysis for E.

An average man's semen analysis contains approximately 20 million sperm. E’s results showed about 1 million. Because of E's low count my doctor referred us to an urologist to evaluate E some more. By the time we got in to see the urologist I had finished my 3 months of clomid {which ended up being a little pointless because as spot on as my ovulation could be, we couldn't get pregnant without any sperm}. After our first visit with the urologist he ordered a semen analysis, blood panel and an ultrasound for E.

We got E’s test results back and the semen analysis was similar to the first one done and the ultra sound was clear. But this time because we had the blood work done, we found out that E’s FSH levels were low. The FSH is directly related to sperm production.

At this point it gets a little confusing because E's urologist got confused and referred us to a fertility clinic. So we made an appointment with one. Somehow the urologist thought E had already taken clomid. When in fact it was me that had taken the clomid {we didn't discover this confusion till later}. We should've stayed with the urologist longer and explored more options but ultimately it didn't really matter because we ended up moving 2 months later.

E had been accepted to ASU in April and we knew we would be moving to AZ around July. We had scheduled an appointment with a fertility clinic in CA the last week in June but we eventually decided to cancel the appointment because we were moving a week later. So that concluded our infertility journey in CA.

With moving to AZ and not having insurance everything got put on the back burner until October 2009 {almost 2 years since we started trying}. I finally got a job and with that came insurance. We found a fertility doctor in the area and we were so excited for things to start moving forward again. We met with the RE and gave him all our history and tests. Right before meeting with this doctor we discovered the confusion from the previous doctor and explained our concerns to our new RE. We thought we were supposed to be seeing a fertility doctor based on the urologist in CA, but our new docs analysis was that a urologist would still be the place to go because they specialize in male infertility and there were still some options for us to pursue with a urologist. He ordered more tests {semen analysis and blood panel} for E. Assuming the test results would come back the same as the previous, he said our best bet was to go ahead and meet with an urologist. So he referred us to "the best in the state" and we got an appointment for 3 months later.

We met with the urologist and yep he ordered another semen analysis and blood panel for E. He also reviewed all our previous results and came to the conclusion that because E's FSH was low, taking clomid should raise it and therefore sperm production should increase.

It takes at least 3 months for the clomid to positively affect the sperm production. E has been taking the clomid for almost 3 months now but we're still not pregnant. We go in again at the end of May to do more tests {semen analysis and blood work} and re evaluate our options.

that's where we are. that is our journey so far. it's good to have it all down. it helps me remember and remembering is important. typing it all out makes me realize a few things: we haven’t gone through nearly as much as some people have and it’s still the hardest and most trying thing i’ve ever experienced.

thursday thoughts

exciting things are happening around here {no, i'm not pregnant} but still exciting things!

although things are exciting. i am struggling. help me get out of this funk. i am really unmotivated to pursue the whole getting pregnant thing. is that bad? what does that mean? we haven't even gone through half of what most couples go through and i'm already reaching my ending point. what does that say about me? sometimes it's just too hard to put so much work into it. so much to do, so much to think about, so much to decide, so much information. does that mean i'm lazy? i mean, i get the whole "it's worth it" aspect. but you know, sometimes that just doesn't cut it. but then i think, if you take a break it's just that much longer that you go without what you want, a baby.

you know what makes me laugh these days. E threatens me {in a funny way} all the time by saying, "i'm going to post on the blog that you ... "aren't training" or "sew all day" or "didn't cook dinner tonight". for some reason he thinks that he can get me to stop or start doing things by threatening to post about it on the blog? funny... yes.

we are half way through season 2 of 24. it is good. i like it much better than season 1. it is intense.

i went to lunch with some co workers yesterday. one of them asked if i was going to do the whole baby thing. isn't that an interesting way to ask it? and i said, "we've actually been trying for a while but we've run into some problems". then there was complete silence except in my head {what the heck are you thinking, you are so ridiculous}. there's nothing like breaking the ice with strangers than blurting out your fertility problems.

the dishes needed some doing and it was my turn. i had left them there for a day or two. E proceeded to say to me, "if you don't do the dishes we are going to die" it made me laugh. you ever heard of someone dying from unwashed dishes? me either. but... it did make me wash the dishes. interesting.

my new theme song {we decided} is, "all that she wants, is another baby." yes taken out of context, but hey it works. anyone guess what song/artist the lyrics are from?

is it bad that i have my library card number memorized but not my employee ID or driver's license number?

we

had a great weekend. on friday we got to see the mesa easter pageant with friends. it was awesome. and then E and I spent the rest of the weekend together watching conference, eating good food, enjoying the gorgeous weather and of course we squeezed in some 24 {and i squeezed in a lot of sewing}.

i made home made lasagna for the first time. it is so good.
i am so close to being done with open. look for my review later this week.
i kind of slacked off on a couple days of training last week. i am back on track this week though. we are swimming tonight which i am looking forward to because it is hot outside.
somehow i got stuck on nilla wafers. can't stop stuffing them in my mouth.
this weekend E and i were reminiscing about last august when we were renovating our place and drinking slurpees all day. we want to do it again.

and we're off

to havasu tomorrow morning. and i am thoroughly looking forward to the drive with E.

i have 10 blankets listed in my shop. they are super cute, i am loving them.

the weather here is to die for, it is so great to be outdoors. E and i ate smoothies for lunch sitting on the grass basking in the sun's rays. it's supposed to be 86 in havasu and i am excited to jump in the lake and a whole bunch of other things too.

i am halfway through the help. i am reading open by andre agassi next.

i've been sewing all day today, so many great things in the works. like this blanket, now up on the design wall.




















and this skirt i made out of a vintage sheet. i'm loving the pink elastic.

i am excited to thrift in havasu. i've looked up some places and hopefully they have some good stuff. it's always an adventure thrifting in a different city.

E weighed himself like 8 times today. you see he gained several pounds and is trying to get down to his ideal weight for saturday's race. which means now we have to bring the scale with us and he might even have to stop on the way there to get out and weigh himself.

think of E on saturday morning as he's racing his heart out. it's the conference championships so he'll be trying his hardest to represent ASU well.

we bought a tree a couple days ago. it's in the backyard. i l.o.v.e it.

we

my job is going well. i like it. i'm not in love with it. but it is good to me and i am content with it. my favorite part of the day is sitting outside in the sunshine eating my lunch and reading. oh it is glorious. i am already dreading the time when it will be too hot for me to enjoy this part of my day.

as you can see from previous posts, i have been sewing a lot lately. i have so many projects swimming around in my mind. skirts, blankets, purses, dresses, quilts and on and on and on. i am also working on finishing up a bunch of receiving blankets {12 to be exact} that i will be listing in my shop soon. sewing is my baby right now. i stay up late with it. i think about it & i dream about it. i love it. sometimes i get frustrated with it. i spend money on it. i seek to improve it. i play with it. i create it & it's a part of me.

eric is deep into school projects and has 8 more weeks of class left until he's finished. i know, crazy. i have a hard time believing it. it has just zoomed right past me, which i guess is good. he'll have a masters degree. what. yes a masters degree.

when eric's not at school he is training. i think we talk about training, triathlons, his weight and what he eats more than anything else. he's a part of the ASU tri team and he's racing with the team in 2 weeks at lake havasu for the mountain collegiate triathlon conference championship. which is really exciting. and then we might go to texas {never been to texas} in april for the collegiate triathlon national championship. which is even more exciting.

and of course we're on the job hunt for eric. my prediction is that eric will get a job in AZ and we'll end up living here for a while longer. which is fine, i like AZ. but lately i've been fantasizing about living in san clemente, ca. a girl can dream, right.

i think our house is happy. when i think back to what it looked like when we moved in. wow. it is so different now. we have done so much work on it. but there is always something to do, it is never really "finished". it's crazy how much work you can put into a place. there is still a long list of things we would love to do, like... replace the carpet, replace all the doors in the house, replace the slider in the master bedroom, replace the garage door and paint the outside of the house.

on saturday morning i threw out an idea to eric: dinner and avatar. he wasn't too keen on the movie idea but wasn't opposed to eating out for dinner. fast forward a couple hours: we were very hungry after a great bike ride and decided to eat a late lunch/early dinner. we ended up eating at gallo blanco on the rooftop of the clarendon hotel. the food was delicious and the view was gorgeous from the roof. we had a good day together so i decided not to push seeing avatar. instead i went to joann's to pick up some kona cotton solids for a quilt i'm working on. next thing i know, eric calls me and says he wants to go see avatar... so of course i rushed home. we hopped on the harley and drove to the imax. but it was sold out. funny because i finally got him to the movies and it was sold out, just my luck. it was all good though because riding behind eric on the harley is WAY better than seeing a movie or almost anything else.

the week is at an end

and the long weekend is beginning, which i {love}. no work on monday=sewing all day, which i {love} even more.

going backpacking over the weekend {for birthday/valentines} in the superstition mountains. we haven't backpacked since last march when we did this. i am excited to get out into the wilderness and refresh my soul. oh it does wonders. i {love} it. i'm sure i'll come back a much better version of myself.

haven't picked up my camera in ages and i am excited to take some pictures again. it's always a debate if i should bring the SLR with us. it's just so heavy and we already carry lots of weight. so i tend to ask eric what he thinks, because ultimately he will end up carrying it for me. when i emailed him yesterday about taking it he said, "we can bring your SLR, its your birthday. we should come up with a better way of carrying it than we did last time". it made me smile, i {love} him.

watched bedtime stories while eric was out on a ride last night. i am in {love} with keri russell. in {love} i tell you.

a week ago i bought some incredible fabric at this amazing fabric warehouse {which deserves a post of it's own} a block from our house. i got 1.5 yards of some lightweight cotton/poly designer fabric for $1.99. i {love} the print and bought it with the intention of making a skirt. i even bought some awesome thick elastic for a waistband {at the same place}. but i had yet to find a tutorial or pattern but i had an idea of what i wanted to do. the next day i found this on one of the blogs i follow. almost exactly what i was wanting to make out of my materials. i am so excited to try it.

gotta love {love}. hope you feel lots of {love} this weekend and always.

some thoughts

thanks to everyone for all the positive feedback on the kitchen. we've loved reading all the comments. and we love having a functioning kitchen.

i cooked the first meal in the new kitchen last night and it was fantastic. i think because i so enjoyed cooking in the kitchen that it made me cook better and the food was delicious. or maybe it was just that we hadn't eaten a home cooked meal in a while.

i interviewed for a job at ASU yesterday. the interview went amazing. i don't think i could have asked for it to go any better. i would love to work there. as much as i am enjoying not working. i am getting a little excited to get back into a routine and start making some money.

we got new windows yesterday. i think that has been the best investment in this place so far. we noticed a difference immediately {finally no heat seeping through the windows} and hopefully our ac will be happier now too.

we are trying not to work on the house right now, so that eric can get into school mode. it is not working.

Sunday

the weekend

We went to Joshua Tree National Park over the weekend. It was so fun. We camped Friday night under the stars. We hiked to Lost Palms Oasis in the morning. We Climbed rocks mid-day. We went off-roading in the afternoon; we drove to the top of Eureka Peak. When we got home we jumped in the cold pool, it felt amazing. And we ended the day with some great mexican food from Cuca's.



My favorite part: we saw the most amazing stars. I think Eric and I looked at them and discussed them for an hour. We saw a huge shooting star and picked out a bunch of constellations. Words don't do it justice and neither does a picture.

monday at the park

Eric and I went to the park to take pictures and play with our camera. We had a good time.
Click on the collage to enlarge and enjoy.

I couldn't resist this one. It's funny.

Vote For Us Again

We are really frustrated about this mix up with this contest. We could have been voting for the past week but thought something was wrong with their website. Now voting ends tomorrow. So, we need everybody to vote on every computer they can and get everybody they know to vote today and tomorrow.

http://www.active.com/page/timex/vote

VOTE for US!

We are finalists in the "Return to the Outdoors" contest. In April we asked everyone to vote for us so we could win some cool stuff. Well, thanks to your votes, we won some sweet gear:

Now we are one of the finalists. The prize for this final round is a trip for 2 to Moab, UT or Aspen, CO or San Juan Islands, WA. We would love to win and so we are asking you to vote for us again.

I typed this up the day that the contest was supposed to start. But something was wrong with the "active" website. So I never posted it because the stuff to vote on would never load. I finally tried voting from a different computer and it worked. So, it may or may not work for you.
BUT PLEASE TRY TO VOTE BY CLICKING THE LINK AND THEN LET US KNOW IF IT WORKED FOR YOU OR NOT! THANKS
Select the link http://www.active.com/page/timex/vote
Vote for our video. It is titled "Our Big Adventure by Eric K".

The contest ends on September 16th. The person with the most votes wins. The voting terms are: one vote per person, per day. SO VOTE EVERYDAY!

Unusual Saturday

I worked all day Saturday and while at work I received a text from Eric saying, Let's go on a date tonight. This is not something that Eric normally says. Usually I have to convince him to go to a movie or do a typical date activity.

So for our "date" we went out and ate sushi (lately Eric has been in love with sushi). We tried this place called Niko Niko and it was delicious. We devoured our food and couldn't stop talking about it the rest of the weekend. Eric even leaned over to me in church and said he could go for some more sushi. After sushi, we went and saw "The Dark Knight". There is only 1 movie theater in Redlands, it costs $10.50 for one adult ticket. I didn't enjoy the movie as much because I couldn't stop thinking that we paid 21 bucks to see this. The other thing I didn't like is that I thought it was a bit too long. Because my complaints are related to time and money, I realize that I feel this way because I am married to Eric. It just proves that you begin to think, in some ways, like the person you marry.

Realization: Eric and I spend a lot of time together (besides when I'm at work). This is why we don't go on "normal" dates. I think we are on one big continuous date all the time.

the power of love

yesterday was amazing. i fell in love with eric all over again. it was so refreshing and made me feel like the girl i was when i met eric.

maybe it was being at the beach or diving under the waves holding hands. maybe it was throwing the football with eric 48 times before dropping it. maybe it was laying on the towel munching on fruit together. maybe it was watching the sunset while eating at cheesecake factory. maybe it was the music that filled the air or the full moon as we walked to the car.

or maybe it was just eric and his love for life.

it also didn't hurt that i got to eat some pinkberry at the end of the perfect day.

FOUR

Four years with Eric... I'll just let you ponder on that thought for a while before I move on.

In recognition of this great accomplishment I am going to list 4 of my favorites from the last 4 years

number 4
Eric proposed to me twice. The original was in Snow Canyon. He used a loaner ring to propose because mine wasn't ready yet. When my ring came in, he proposed again. I was taking classes at BYU-Extension. He walked into my class while it was in session (it happened to be a preparation for marriage class) got down on one knee, pulled the ring out and asked me to marry him. It was pretty darn cute. The class loved it and of course so did I.

number 3
I talk fast. I talk really fast to Eric. When Eric can't understand me, he interprets what I am saying. The first time he did this, it was hilarious. I was saying something really fast and of course, he couldn't understand me. So he translated it back to me as Boogie Board. He still does it when I talk fast. It's kind of become a little game we play. It always make me smile.

number 2
In Hawaii, Eric would sing me songs all the time (mostly reggae and U2). I love Eric's voice, but let's be honest, it's not amazing. I loved it though! Some of the sweetest memories of my time with Eric in Hawaii is him singing to me. I loved the way he shared his passion and his interpretation of songs with me. One favorite he sang to me, Grab a Girlfriend by Steel Pulse.

number 1
While we were in Canada we went on the best hike! It was called Sulphur Ridge Peak and it was in Jasper Canada. We hiked to the very tip top and could see for miles. It was gorgeous and an amazing experience. After we finished the hike we dipped in the Miette hot springs at the trail head and ate buffalo burgers at the pool side grill. This is one of the best days I've ever had in my life.

Life is good with Eric Kimble.

thoughts on the move

We moved to the 2 bedroom and now it's just a mess. It's a big giant mess of everything we own.

Moving is not very fun. In the beginning it's always exciting, but after it's over you think I never want to do that again. I think after you complete a move, you forget what it's like.

I think it was extra hard because we couldn't do the move over a weekend. I have been working my normal hours and my brain is dead and my body is tired. I keep laughing at myself because people at work ask me questions and it takes me several extra minutes to answer them. My brain is not responding very quickly.

I was planning on taking pictures, but I was the one moving everything so I couldn't take any pictures. Eric is a beast, he moved a ton of stuff too.

The 2 bedroom is only 200 square feet more than the 1 bedroom. That's not very much, but it seems like a ton and I am using every single inch of the space we have to make everything fit.

The best thing about the move... we decided to get cable and DVR!!! Yeah! It is awesome, I don't know how we lived without it all this time.

I am excited to get everything arranged and in its place. Even though it's a big task, it's kind of fun to put stuff away and have it just how & where you like it.

I am growing more and more fond of having change in my life. It is so healthy for my mind and my emotions. I find that it pushes me and helps me grow.

Now that we have 2 bedrooms everyone has to come visit us. I know that Redlands might not seem like a very fun place, but it is quite exciting at times. There are lots of fun things to do very close by to us. Plus you get to see us, that's the best part!

ramble on

Memorial Day weekend is coming up and I'm not even doing anything exciting. How boring can life be sometimes. But then next weekend I am flying up to Utah which I am super excited about.

Since we have moved we don't do much because we don't know very many people. Because of this, I sew all the time. It has become something that I love. It totally helps me relax after a long day at work.

Something great that's come from moving: Eric and I have become closer than ever before. I thought we spent a lot of time together before... it doesn't even compare to how much time we spend together now. It is so much fun, I love it, I love him.

Eric and I have gotten in this habit of playing sequence every night. Of course I beat him almost every time. I think this makes him come back for more. He's always trying to beat me.

Eric grilled Fillet Mignon last night for dinner, it was delicious.

Lately all my dreams have been about shopping for clothes and shoes. Does that tell you something?

I am hopefully going to get my hair cut while I am in Utah. I am very excited for this change. I haven't cut my hair in over a year.

Isn't it Ironic... don't you think

We have been looking for the past 2 months at getting a 2 bedroom apartment in our same complex. There have been some available at different times, but none have been up to our standards(we're kind of picky). Our lease expired at the end of April and still nothing. After much debating about what to do, we decided to do a 3 month lease on our current apartment and hopefully by the time it expires a 2 bedroom will be available. We signed the 3 month lease on Sunday afternoon.
Wednesday morning Eric got a call and low & behold a ground floor, bond, traditional 2 bedroom apartment had become available. I laughed pretty hard when I heard the news. But it actually works out perfectly. By the time the people move out and it gets cleaned/ready for us it will be about 2 months. The agent we've been working with is great and really nice. She said she'd let us out of our lease a couple weeks early with no fee. So we're looking at moving into our new place around the first week of July, YEAH. I am really excited to have a little more space and a bigger closet and the 2 bathrooms will be nice.