the hospital stay

Much of the hospital stay is a big blur! I wish I would've written something down earlier but you know I have twins. Eric was a huge help because I couldn't do much but lay around and nurse. My parents arrived the day after the birth and they were a great comfort and a lot of help as well.

It was really hard trying to take care of two babies, learning how to nurse and recovering from both types of delivery. On top of all that I had this horrible rash all over my legs and feet and they were still extremely swollen. I also lost a lot of blood during the c-section and had to have a blood transfusion. It was a crazy time for me. Not only was I exhausted physically but emotionally as well. I really wanted to have the birth I had practiced, envisioned and prepared for and it didn't quite go as I had hoped. But the boys arrived safe and were healthy and that was the number one goal so of course I was happy. But I was still coping with the fact that I had to have a c-section, which was the number one thing I didn't want.

Another interesting thing I remember thinking was that I pushed one baby out and next thing I knew I was going under and when I woke up I had two babies. It was really weird to experience one of their births but not the other. I also felt guilty that I didn't get to see Nathan be birthed or hold him right away but I did with Thomas.

 

Something else that I felt (that I wasn't expecting) was an inability to enjoy it all like I so desperately wanted to. It was hard to enjoy it and soak up the joy of these new babies because my body was trying to recover from so many things and I was just trying to stay afloat. I wanted time to slow down a little and my recovery to speed up so I could cherish my little boys how I had always imagined I would. Really the first 6 months were so hard and I was just trying to get through the days that I had a hard time enjoying most of it. I kept wishing the newborn stage would end and therefore felt like I didn't enjoy their littleness and the excitement of having a newborn. I blame it on the twin factor. Or maybe my expectations were too high. I imagined (with one baby) this beautiful, peaceful, happy time snuggling with a little baby all day. And that was not my reality with the twins. Trying to meet both their needs usually at the exact same time was (and sometimes still is) very difficult. But I would never EVER change having twins. They are so fun and it's been such a privilege to be mom to these amazing boys.

 

The boys did great in the hospital and only lost a little weight. Thomas nursed like a champion from the start but Nathan took a day or two to get the hang of it. I was blessed when it came to nursing, I never had any problems and it never really hurt that bad. We did have some ups and downs the first couple months but from what I've heard from others experiences, I think the boys were great and I had it pretty easy.

The hospital and nurses were great but I still experienced the typical hospital things like never really being able to sleep and not having good food. One of my regrets is that I didn't (or that I didn't make someone) take more pictures with a regular camera. We have a lot from our iphones which I am grateful for but the quality is lacking.

 

We ended up spending 4 days in the hospital and all went home together.

Except I forgot shoes so I walked out of the hospital with bare feet.

 

 



In anticipation

The twins first birthday is five weeks away! Maybe it's fitting that as we lead up to it, I finally document the beginning of their lives. Hopefully by posting twice a week for the next five weeks I can re-capture all the important memories of their first 6 months.

To start it off right...

Our two perfect embryos

 

 

Our two boys at 20 weeks

A collage of my pregnancy

the birth of Thomas and Nathan

Disclaimer: The story and pictures are graphic.

I woke up at 1:15am on Friday October 21, 2011 feeling thirsty and wide awake. After getting a drink of water, I started walking back to bed and all the sudden it felt like I peed my pants. There was liquid running down my legs and I couldn't stop it. It was weird and I suspected it was my water leaking (it wasn't very much) but I didn't want to believe that I was going into labor. I had a major event at work that day and I wanted/needed to be there. A couple minutes later I started feeling some cramps and tightening in my stomach that was coming and going every couple minutes. I put a towel on the chair, sat down at the computer and googled contractions (even though I had spent the past 9 months reading and learning about them. I still wanted to google it and read about it again). I decided to casually time what I was feeling. About 10 minutes later I got up to get more water and  I leaked more fluid. After about 30 minutes of timing the waves I decided it was the real thing. My water was leaking and the pressure waves were 3 minutes apart. I labored for another hour as the waves gradually intensified. I decided that at 3am I would wake up E and see what he thought. Right after 3am, E came walking in the office. He had woken up on his own. I told him what was going on and asked him to time what I was feeling. He timed for about 15 minutes. My pressure waves were 2 minutes apart and lasting a minute. That's when we decided to call our doula Kimberly.

I continued to labor in the office chair with my Hypnobabies CD on in the background. It was really intense but extremely calm as well. E talked me through every wave. Kimberly got to our house around 4:30am and checked the babies heart rates, the babies were doing good. She started setting up the birthing pool so I could labor in there for a while. As it was filling with water I was anxious to get in and try different positions. When I got in, it felt really good! E climbed in with me to help me work through each wave (E was so awesome). Our plan was to stay at home as long as possible. After about an hour and a half of laboring in the pool I started to feel a lot of pressure. None of the positions I got into eased it. I eventually ended up back in the office chair, it felt the best. After telling Kimberly 4 or 5 times that I felt the urge to push, she suggested we head to the hospital. I was ready to go (although I was still very worried about getting there and finding out I hadn't progressed very far). E grabbed some last minute things and we got in the car. Kimberly followed us there in her own car.

During the car ride I told E that I couldn't do it anymore, it was too hard. He told me this was my ironman and I could do it. We arrived at the hospital minutes later around 7:30am. I had a pressure wave in the parking lot and leaned on E for support. When we walked into the ER, they put me in a wheel chair and wheeled me straight to a L&D room. I kept saying over and over, I have to push.

Note: This is where everything changed. My birth story was exactly how I wanted it up until this point. Everything was perfect. If I could have stayed at home, I truly believe I could have had the birth I wanted and brought these boys into the world how I envisioned and practiced for. But that is not what happened. The rest of the story is what it is and it's a part of me. I love it because it is how my boys were born. But I don't love it for very many other reasons. I'm learning to accept what happened and be at peace with it.

They got me on the bed (flat on my back) and told me I was fully dilated and effaced and could push. The midwife said that I could deliver baby A (Thomas) right then, he was that close to coming out. But as soon as I laid down my pressure waves eased up and I didn't feel as strong of an urge to push. My body was telling me to get into a different position (like I was able to be in at home). I wanted to be up and squatting or on a birth ball because I felt the most pressure in these positions. But because I was on my back, baby A (Thomas) retreated back into my womb. Because he retreated, the midwife decided we had time to wheel my bed into the OR (where we were supposed to be from the beginning).

Note: When delivering twins in the hospital you are required to deliver in the operating room. The only reason they didn't take me in there immediately was because baby A was so close to coming out.

Once in the OR the nurses poked and prodded me for over an hour to try and get an IV in. The whole time I was trying to push baby A (Thomas) out I had both arms being mauled by needles. It was extremely distracting. Eventually the anesthesiologist was called and he got one in (apparently I was dehydrated which made it harder to find a vein for the IV). I had indicated that I didn't want an IV in our birth plan. But in the chaos of arriving at the hospital ready to push, the birth plan kind of got thrown to the side.

I pushed and pushed and pushed. It was hard work and it was a lot harder to use my Hypnobabies techniques in the hospital with so many people around distracting me. E was right by my side encouraging me on every push. Kimberly (our doula) was awesome as well and she was able to take a bunch of pictures. For me, the pushing was much more difficult than the labor. I remember thinking, "I didn't realize this part would be so hard" and "I have to do this twice". It was overwhelming to think about pushing another baby out but I just kept telling myself to focus on getting this first baby out.

The whole time I was pushing baby A (Thomas) they were monitoring baby B (Nathan). After pushing for about 45 minutes, baby B (Nathan) started showing signs of stress. At that point, the midwife suggested we do an episiotomy to speed things up. I was opposed to having an episiotomy and asked if she would give me another try before she did one. She agreed and I pushed with everything I had and that's when I pushed Thomas' head out and with another push his body. Thomas Winn Kimble was born at 9:32am. The sensation of pushing him out was so crazy and intense. But it was so awesome to have him out. The cord was wrapped around Thomas' neck twice but he was perfect and healthy and cried right away. She gave him to me and I got to hold him on my chest for 2 seconds before the nurse whisked him away. I was so bummed I couldn't hold him longer. He was so little and I just wanted to take it all in and enjoy him.

The focus was now on baby B (Nathan). He was head down (which is what you want) but he would not come down. He was hanging out at the top of my uterus and his bag of water was still intact. At this point baby B's (Nathan's) heart rate was dropping into the 80's and not recovering. The midwife talked about breaking his bag of water but then decided against it because he was so high. It was also decided that we didn't have much time because baby B (Nathan) wasn't doing very good. She said we could give him 5 more minutes to make some progress before we had to do a c-section.

As soon as the 5 minutes were up and baby B (Nathan) was still stressed and hadn't made any progress, I was transferred to the OR table. Because I didn't have an epidural, they put me completely under/out for the c-section. I was not happy. It was so crazy in there with people running around all over the place. The last thing I remember was asking where E was while fighting the nurses as they tried to strap my arms down. The last thing I heard was that E could not stay with me and then I was out. Nathan Brewer Kimble was born at 9:48am.

The first thing I remember is E. A very happy and smiling E holding Thomas up to my face. I also happened to be bawling.

That's where I'll stop for now. There's more. There's a lot more.

introducing

Thomas Winn Kimble (on right)

10.21.11 @ 9:32am

4 lbs 12oz 18.5in

Nathan Brewer Kimble (on left)

10.21.11 @ 9:48am

5lbs 9oz 18.5in

 

thirty six weeks

The last pictures of me pregnant with the boys. Taken when I was thirty six weeks.

Looking at these pictures now I can't believe I was ever that big.

thirty, thirty one, thirty five

it's E's thirtieth birthday. thirty years old. you're the best E! my gift to him is two babies. and i made one of his favorite meals for dinner. that's pretty much all i could muster.

pic was taken at 31 weeks

but i'm really 35 weeks... sometimes i can't believe it. most of the time i can though because i feel it.

i am so tired these days. and the house is showing it. i have not given it any love {cleaning} for a while and it desperately needs it.

i am definitely feeling the nesting urge. i want to re organize the entire house. i made a really specific list of everything i want to organize and do before the boys come. but... pretty much none of it has been accomplished.

I drive by the gilbert temple site twice a day and it always brings a smile to my face. this is what it looks like at the moment.

my feet are HUGE

see - huge. laugh all you want. i do everyday. it's very weird not having any ankles.

twenty six

this picture was taken at 26 weeks

{oh and i cut all my hair off since this was taken, i'll have to post a picture}

i am 28 weeks right now. everything in this pregnancy is going as smoothly as possible which is awesome. i had an ultrasound this morning and we got to see the little ones. they both weigh 2.5 pounds. they are so stinkin cute and they move around like crazy.

Baby A

Baby B

thursday thoughts

on monday i was sitting next to a woman in the doctors office that was 34 weeks pregnant. i was pretty much the same size as her. i'm only 24 week, fantastic right. here's a 23 week shot of my belly.

we saw the twins on monday. they are the cutest little skeletons around. it is so amazing and CRAZY that we are having two.

we're looking for a new home for rusty. so so so hard for me right now. which might seem silly but he just has this piece of my heart and it's hard to let that piece go. it also doesn't help that his face is adorable.

fyi: i don't have a bellybutton anymore.

here's the one and only cantaloupe from our garden. almost ready to pick and eat.

we're heading to UT next week and we're very excited! i am dying to get out of this heat, it is killing me.

a letter

Dear Boys

I am 22 weeks pregnant and over halfway through this journey with you... I can't believe it. I've been dying to feel you guys move and guess what… last week I finally did. I thought I'd been feeling something (kind of like rolling and tingling) for a week or two but this time it was definitely a little body part poking me! On Sunday at church, I had Dad put his hand on my belly to see if you'd make any moves and you did. One of you kicked his hand real good. His jaw dropped at how amazing it was. I still can’t tell who is who in there. I have my guesses but it’s hard to know in the moment which one of you is the one moving. I feel you both more and more every day and I love it. It’s like little reassurances that you’re in there and doing well.

Just so you know, Dad is a big fan of exercising and is always trying to get me to be more active (which is a great thing). He thinks that by me being active you guys will be more active when you get here. I'm pretty sure you’ll be active just because you have his blood and genes running through your bodies. I know you will love running around and having adventures with him just as much as I do. Keep growing and getting stronger. We love that there's two of you and we love both of you so much!

Love, Mom

eighteen

we had another ultrasound today! they are so cute. the tech had to measure everything on their little bodies and we got to watch the boys on the screen for over an hour. it was so great! baby A was definitely more active, he kept kicking his brother in the face. baby B was way more mellow, just chillin out.

Baby A

 Baby B

lovely little bump

check it out... here's the bump at 17 weeks

we found out last week that we're having TWO BOYS!

sixteen

i have a couple different belly shots from different weeks but i just look fat in all of them. i've had a belly almost the whole time because of all the invitro stuff. but now, it's actually starting to look and feel like a pregnant belly. it's so fun. every time i look down at it i am overwhelmed with gratitude.

next week we have another ultrasound and hopefully we'll get a more concrete idea of what we are having {i'll be 17 weeks}. i am SO excited. E claims to know that they are both boys. i have my heart set on a boy and a girl. but as long as there are two steady heartbeats i will be thrilled.

last week i started working summer hours: 4, 10 hour days with fridays off. just like last summer. and just like last summer i have mixed feelings about this change. one thing that is much better this summer... the people i am working with. i don't really mind spending my 10 hour days with some good friends.

last weekend {for the first time in about 18 weeks} i actually had energy to do things. i forgot what that was like. it was nice to have a little motivation and energy back to get some things accomplished and not just be lazy all the time.

tomorrow we leave for a long weekend in st george with friends. so excited for this.

it's peach and nectarine season. these are seriously the best fruits around. i can not eat enough of them. and we also like to do peach shakes. peaches and vanilla ice cream in the vitamix. it is to die for.

have you listened to DREAM by priscilla ahn. you should.

grateful

eric and i had a stomach bug over the weekend and it was not fun.

and then i was super extremely grateful that {so far} i never had severe morning sickness. sure i was nauseous and tired but i never threw up. i can't imagine doing that every morning. and to all you who have done and do that. i applaud you.

and now that i'm out of the first trimester {yeah} hopefully there will be months of feeling great and smooth sailing until they arrive full term.

we had another ultrasound this morning! they are so dang cute. we love them so much. i am 12.5 weeks and the babies growth are right on track with that.

last ultrasound the doc's guess was boy and girl. cause it's just fun to guess. this time the tech guessed boy and boy. next ultrasound I will be 17 weeks, so we're hoping for a more accurate guess then. E gets set on these guesses and i love his reactions. but i'm more patient and unwilling to believe until it can be 100% accurate.

Baby A

Baby B

i am filled with gratitude on many different levels.

one being all the love and support and comments from everyone. thank you for that. i really appreciate it.

back to my blogging roots

eric shot me with my final progesterone shot last monday. that's cause for celebration. i was getting so sick of taking those shots every morning. but after my 9 week ultrasound i got the go ahead to finish off what i had left of the meds and then i'd be done. it is so great to be done with that part.

i am so excited for these babies. i love that it's babies and not just a baby.

i have SO many thoughts lately and so much to research and so much to do. it's consuming. and i think that's why i haven't been blogging all that much. but i should just be blogging about it all, right.

i'm still trying to find an OB that I just click with. one that is on board for a natural non c-section delivery of twins. i've interviewed a couple and i'm currently being cared for by one that i like. but is it too much to ask that i LOVE my OB and that they're open to what i want as long as the babies are doing good.

i am 11 weeks today! my next ultrasound is in a week and I am so excited to see them again.

the thing i eat the most right now... toasted bagels with cream cheese.
the thing i hate the most right now... sugar

i bought two little sleepers over the weekend (first purchase for the little ones) and we can't stop staring at them and cuddling them. i had to put them away in the closet or else we get too excited and don't get much done besides talking about them.

the cuties

I was getting kind of nervous and anxious before the ultrasound this morning. Most days I feel pretty good and it makes me nervous because I worry about the little ones and if they are still doing ok {most people have informed me that the worrying never stops... great}. So it's always a relief to see/hear their heartbeats. And this week was even better because you can actually see their little bodies forming. It is so amazing! We are in love with them and so excited.

Baby A is measuring 9w1d with a heart beat of 178 bpm (baby A is laying on it's side)

Baby B is measuring 9w2d with a heart beat of 148 bpm (baby B is laying on it's back)

Here they are together

bi-winning

we  had our first ultrasound this morning. i am seven weeks pregnant and we saw two little heartbeats. it was incredible. we are having twins. i am just hoping and praying that both stay healthy and it all continues to go smoothly. due date is approximately 11/12/11. but because of the twin factor they will most likely come early.

i think it's all beginning to sink in a lot more now that i've actually seen them. but sometimes i still can't believe this is happening for us. we are so excited and feel extremely blessed. it's a miracle. i can't stop smiling and crying.

here are the two day 5 blastocyst embryos we transferred on 2/24/11

here are the ultrasound pics from this morning 3/30/11 at 7 weeks pregnant. i scanned them in and the quality is not so great but it's just so exciting, i had to share.

blood doesn't lie

we got results on monday and my numbers indicate pregnancy. i am beyond thrilled but it just feels so unreal right now. and of course i am feeling extremely cautious because i'm only five weeks along. i debated back and forth about posting on the blog so soon. the only reason i wouldn't is because it's so early and there's still a chance of miscarriage. but i decided that if i were to have a miscarriage i would probably be sharing that anyway.

so after 39 months {feels like decades} of trying, i'm finally pregnant. and it feels so incredibly weird and exciting to say that.