Thanksgiving 2011

Originally we weren't going to go anywhere for Thanksgiving because traveling with 2 newborns did not sound like fun. But trying to take care of 2 newborns alone became too much for us to handle and we needed some help so we decided to make the drive to CA for Thanksgiving. It was the first time my family met the boys as well.

We had a great weekend full of help, good food and wonderful family.

 

 

 

one month - november 2011

We had help for a month straight and it was heavenly. My mom stayed for 2 weeks and then my in laws came and then my sister in law came. We couldn't have survived without these wonderful people. It was a lot of work and very very little sleep. But these boys were so precious.

 

Nathan

 

Thomas

Together

IRONMAN

Eric completed his first Ironman on November 20, 2011

(almost exactly a month after the twins were born)

This is the only picture we have from the event. I was alone with both babies all day and never had a free hand to take any pictures of Eric as he raced the course. Most of the time I was nursing a baby or running from place to place trying to catch glimpses of him as he zoomed by. He was incredible and did an amazing job. Such a huge accomplishment!

first week home

The first month after the twins were born was insane. Luckily my mom stayed with us for 2 weeks because I don't think I could have done it with out her. I didn't sleep much and I couldn't really do much because of my rash and recovering body.

 

Not a lot happened with the babies. Their umbilical cords fell off and we got some baby pictures taken. Other than that it was just typical baby stuff. Again I wish I would have written something down in those early days! I want to say they were good babies but I don't know if that's true because I can't remember.

 

The first thing Eric did when we got home from the hospital

 



 

First day home

 



 

The rest of the week

 

 

First bath

 

Night before my mom left

 

 

 

STOP now if you don't want to see a gross picture of my swollen feet and rash!

 

 

 

I had a rash on my belly about a week before I had the twins. After I gave birth it spread to the rest of my body and turned into blisters. I went to the dermatologist and the doctor was amazed because she'd never seen anything like it. She gathered all her co-workers around to check it out and discuss the diagnosis. I couldn't take anything orally because I was breastfeeding so she prescribed some topical creams and sprays. She also took several biopsies to send to the lab. It got really bad before it started to get better. And the total bummer was that whenever I put the creams/sprays on I couldn't touch the babies. I had to wear long sleeves and long pants constantly and be very careful around the babies. Turns out I have a pregnancy induced auto immune disease. So anytime I get pregnant I will get this rash. But hopefully it will never get this bad again because we'll be watching for it and catch it a lot sooner.

 

This was taken a couple days home from the hospital and before I went to the dermatologist.

the hospital stay

Much of the hospital stay is a big blur! I wish I would've written something down earlier but you know I have twins. Eric was a huge help because I couldn't do much but lay around and nurse. My parents arrived the day after the birth and they were a great comfort and a lot of help as well.

It was really hard trying to take care of two babies, learning how to nurse and recovering from both types of delivery. On top of all that I had this horrible rash all over my legs and feet and they were still extremely swollen. I also lost a lot of blood during the c-section and had to have a blood transfusion. It was a crazy time for me. Not only was I exhausted physically but emotionally as well. I really wanted to have the birth I had practiced, envisioned and prepared for and it didn't quite go as I had hoped. But the boys arrived safe and were healthy and that was the number one goal so of course I was happy. But I was still coping with the fact that I had to have a c-section, which was the number one thing I didn't want.

Another interesting thing I remember thinking was that I pushed one baby out and next thing I knew I was going under and when I woke up I had two babies. It was really weird to experience one of their births but not the other. I also felt guilty that I didn't get to see Nathan be birthed or hold him right away but I did with Thomas.

 

Something else that I felt (that I wasn't expecting) was an inability to enjoy it all like I so desperately wanted to. It was hard to enjoy it and soak up the joy of these new babies because my body was trying to recover from so many things and I was just trying to stay afloat. I wanted time to slow down a little and my recovery to speed up so I could cherish my little boys how I had always imagined I would. Really the first 6 months were so hard and I was just trying to get through the days that I had a hard time enjoying most of it. I kept wishing the newborn stage would end and therefore felt like I didn't enjoy their littleness and the excitement of having a newborn. I blame it on the twin factor. Or maybe my expectations were too high. I imagined (with one baby) this beautiful, peaceful, happy time snuggling with a little baby all day. And that was not my reality with the twins. Trying to meet both their needs usually at the exact same time was (and sometimes still is) very difficult. But I would never EVER change having twins. They are so fun and it's been such a privilege to be mom to these amazing boys.

 

The boys did great in the hospital and only lost a little weight. Thomas nursed like a champion from the start but Nathan took a day or two to get the hang of it. I was blessed when it came to nursing, I never had any problems and it never really hurt that bad. We did have some ups and downs the first couple months but from what I've heard from others experiences, I think the boys were great and I had it pretty easy.

The hospital and nurses were great but I still experienced the typical hospital things like never really being able to sleep and not having good food. One of my regrets is that I didn't (or that I didn't make someone) take more pictures with a regular camera. We have a lot from our iphones which I am grateful for but the quality is lacking.

 

We ended up spending 4 days in the hospital and all went home together.

Except I forgot shoes so I walked out of the hospital with bare feet.

 

 



In anticipation

The twins first birthday is five weeks away! Maybe it's fitting that as we lead up to it, I finally document the beginning of their lives. Hopefully by posting twice a week for the next five weeks I can re-capture all the important memories of their first 6 months.

To start it off right...

Our two perfect embryos

 

 

Our two boys at 20 weeks

A collage of my pregnancy

from the eyes of E

I woke up around 3:15am. This was early but not as crazy early as it sounds because with my Ironman training I had been going to bed as early as 9 or even 8:30 to get up and get my training in before the Arizona heat and before work. I got out of bed and walked down the hall and saw Tiff in the office chair sort of smiling. She says “oh good I was going to wake you up soon to time my pressure waves”. I was excited but didn’t want to let myself get too excited for some reason. I went in to the kitchen and saw a bunch of towels on the floor and asked her if her water broke. She said “I don’t know, it's probably just some leakage”. I started timing and writing down her pressure waves. I grabbed some Hypnobabies material about the timing of pressure waves. I was reading about the timing being 10 minutes apart and thought – OK I guess we're past that. Then I read about them being 5 minutes apart – we’re past that too. I came to realize that we were already at the point where most people go to the hospital. I thought - I knew Tiffany was going to be awesome at this. I called our doula Kimberly soon after this.

Tiffany had been birthing really peacefully and I remember when Kimberly was inflating the birthing tub, it took away from that atmosphere Tiffany had created. We got in the tub and there was a time when it was getting very difficult for Tiffany and she said she couldn’t handle it anymore. I reminded her that we had talked through this exact scenario, that everybody has that moment and that she was prepared for it. Several of the windows were open in the house and Tiffany was moaning really loud. It was sort of amusing to wonder what our neighbors thought was going on at our house at 5:30 in the morning. I mean her moans were loud.

The drive to the hospital was almost as fun as I expected it to be. They brought us to the labor and delivery room and when they told Tiffany to start pushing we were thrilled that we had avoided going to the operating room. The midwife said “I’m afraid if we take you to the OR, you’ll deliver this baby in the hall”. It instantly became like a zoo in the room. It was at this time that I texted Tiffany’s mom, saying “babies are a couple minutes away” then put my phone on silent.

After a couple minutes, baby a was not coming out as quickly as we originally thought. We all went in to the OR and we had to put full scrubs on with a mask and cap. The midwife, doctor, nurses, Kimberly and I were all awkwardly squeezed in between operating tables, Tiff's labor bed and lots of equipment. At this point the ideal birthing atmosphere went from bad to worse. The OB was now in the room because she is supposed to be there since we were in the OR but she quickly left to attend another birth. The midwife went back to encouraging Tiffany with her pushing. I continued talking Tiffany through everything and tried to keep her motivated. She said differently, but I remember saving my “this is your Ironman” line for these last big pushes. Once Thomas came out I went over to the table where they took him. Next thing I knew I was being kicked out of there with Kimberly. I was fine because I was able to go be with Thomas and Kimberly could wait for Tiffany to come out. I was in the nursery staring at Thomas when it seemed like a minute later they brought another baby in. This baby was bigger had a different shape and his skin color was different.  I seriously asked “who’s baby is that?” or something along those lines. They told me it was mine and I was excited. Thomas had a major cone head from coming out of the birth canal, had dark hair and I would say darker skin. Nathan's head was long but perfectly shaped, had blond hair and his skin was lighter. They asked me for their names but we hadn’t decided who was who yet.

The nurses had been checking the babies blood sugar levels and after a few minutes were talking about giving them formula. Mostly because Tiffany was still coming out of the sedation. After some struggle with the nurses and a little more time, I was able to bring Thomas and Nathan in to Tiffany who was absolutely delirious still. Kimberly and I got the babies on her breasts as quickly as possible while Tiffany was regaining consciousness. After that we moved into the postpartum room and that’s when the real craziness began.

the birth of Thomas and Nathan

Disclaimer: The story and pictures are graphic.

I woke up at 1:15am on Friday October 21, 2011 feeling thirsty and wide awake. After getting a drink of water, I started walking back to bed and all the sudden it felt like I peed my pants. There was liquid running down my legs and I couldn't stop it. It was weird and I suspected it was my water leaking (it wasn't very much) but I didn't want to believe that I was going into labor. I had a major event at work that day and I wanted/needed to be there. A couple minutes later I started feeling some cramps and tightening in my stomach that was coming and going every couple minutes. I put a towel on the chair, sat down at the computer and googled contractions (even though I had spent the past 9 months reading and learning about them. I still wanted to google it and read about it again). I decided to casually time what I was feeling. About 10 minutes later I got up to get more water and  I leaked more fluid. After about 30 minutes of timing the waves I decided it was the real thing. My water was leaking and the pressure waves were 3 minutes apart. I labored for another hour as the waves gradually intensified. I decided that at 3am I would wake up E and see what he thought. Right after 3am, E came walking in the office. He had woken up on his own. I told him what was going on and asked him to time what I was feeling. He timed for about 15 minutes. My pressure waves were 2 minutes apart and lasting a minute. That's when we decided to call our doula Kimberly.

I continued to labor in the office chair with my Hypnobabies CD on in the background. It was really intense but extremely calm as well. E talked me through every wave. Kimberly got to our house around 4:30am and checked the babies heart rates, the babies were doing good. She started setting up the birthing pool so I could labor in there for a while. As it was filling with water I was anxious to get in and try different positions. When I got in, it felt really good! E climbed in with me to help me work through each wave (E was so awesome). Our plan was to stay at home as long as possible. After about an hour and a half of laboring in the pool I started to feel a lot of pressure. None of the positions I got into eased it. I eventually ended up back in the office chair, it felt the best. After telling Kimberly 4 or 5 times that I felt the urge to push, she suggested we head to the hospital. I was ready to go (although I was still very worried about getting there and finding out I hadn't progressed very far). E grabbed some last minute things and we got in the car. Kimberly followed us there in her own car.

During the car ride I told E that I couldn't do it anymore, it was too hard. He told me this was my ironman and I could do it. We arrived at the hospital minutes later around 7:30am. I had a pressure wave in the parking lot and leaned on E for support. When we walked into the ER, they put me in a wheel chair and wheeled me straight to a L&D room. I kept saying over and over, I have to push.

Note: This is where everything changed. My birth story was exactly how I wanted it up until this point. Everything was perfect. If I could have stayed at home, I truly believe I could have had the birth I wanted and brought these boys into the world how I envisioned and practiced for. But that is not what happened. The rest of the story is what it is and it's a part of me. I love it because it is how my boys were born. But I don't love it for very many other reasons. I'm learning to accept what happened and be at peace with it.

They got me on the bed (flat on my back) and told me I was fully dilated and effaced and could push. The midwife said that I could deliver baby A (Thomas) right then, he was that close to coming out. But as soon as I laid down my pressure waves eased up and I didn't feel as strong of an urge to push. My body was telling me to get into a different position (like I was able to be in at home). I wanted to be up and squatting or on a birth ball because I felt the most pressure in these positions. But because I was on my back, baby A (Thomas) retreated back into my womb. Because he retreated, the midwife decided we had time to wheel my bed into the OR (where we were supposed to be from the beginning).

Note: When delivering twins in the hospital you are required to deliver in the operating room. The only reason they didn't take me in there immediately was because baby A was so close to coming out.

Once in the OR the nurses poked and prodded me for over an hour to try and get an IV in. The whole time I was trying to push baby A (Thomas) out I had both arms being mauled by needles. It was extremely distracting. Eventually the anesthesiologist was called and he got one in (apparently I was dehydrated which made it harder to find a vein for the IV). I had indicated that I didn't want an IV in our birth plan. But in the chaos of arriving at the hospital ready to push, the birth plan kind of got thrown to the side.

I pushed and pushed and pushed. It was hard work and it was a lot harder to use my Hypnobabies techniques in the hospital with so many people around distracting me. E was right by my side encouraging me on every push. Kimberly (our doula) was awesome as well and she was able to take a bunch of pictures. For me, the pushing was much more difficult than the labor. I remember thinking, "I didn't realize this part would be so hard" and "I have to do this twice". It was overwhelming to think about pushing another baby out but I just kept telling myself to focus on getting this first baby out.

The whole time I was pushing baby A (Thomas) they were monitoring baby B (Nathan). After pushing for about 45 minutes, baby B (Nathan) started showing signs of stress. At that point, the midwife suggested we do an episiotomy to speed things up. I was opposed to having an episiotomy and asked if she would give me another try before she did one. She agreed and I pushed with everything I had and that's when I pushed Thomas' head out and with another push his body. Thomas Winn Kimble was born at 9:32am. The sensation of pushing him out was so crazy and intense. But it was so awesome to have him out. The cord was wrapped around Thomas' neck twice but he was perfect and healthy and cried right away. She gave him to me and I got to hold him on my chest for 2 seconds before the nurse whisked him away. I was so bummed I couldn't hold him longer. He was so little and I just wanted to take it all in and enjoy him.

The focus was now on baby B (Nathan). He was head down (which is what you want) but he would not come down. He was hanging out at the top of my uterus and his bag of water was still intact. At this point baby B's (Nathan's) heart rate was dropping into the 80's and not recovering. The midwife talked about breaking his bag of water but then decided against it because he was so high. It was also decided that we didn't have much time because baby B (Nathan) wasn't doing very good. She said we could give him 5 more minutes to make some progress before we had to do a c-section.

As soon as the 5 minutes were up and baby B (Nathan) was still stressed and hadn't made any progress, I was transferred to the OR table. Because I didn't have an epidural, they put me completely under/out for the c-section. I was not happy. It was so crazy in there with people running around all over the place. The last thing I remember was asking where E was while fighting the nurses as they tried to strap my arms down. The last thing I heard was that E could not stay with me and then I was out. Nathan Brewer Kimble was born at 9:48am.

The first thing I remember is E. A very happy and smiling E holding Thomas up to my face. I also happened to be bawling.

That's where I'll stop for now. There's more. There's a lot more.