thirty, thirty one, thirty five

it's E's thirtieth birthday. thirty years old. you're the best E! my gift to him is two babies. and i made one of his favorite meals for dinner. that's pretty much all i could muster.

pic was taken at 31 weeks

but i'm really 35 weeks... sometimes i can't believe it. most of the time i can though because i feel it.

i am so tired these days. and the house is showing it. i have not given it any love {cleaning} for a while and it desperately needs it.

i am definitely feeling the nesting urge. i want to re organize the entire house. i made a really specific list of everything i want to organize and do before the boys come. but... pretty much none of it has been accomplished.

I drive by the gilbert temple site twice a day and it always brings a smile to my face. this is what it looks like at the moment.

my feet are HUGE

see - huge. laugh all you want. i do everyday. it's very weird not having any ankles.

everywhere you look

i rode my bike to and from work on wednesday. it was so great. i had to do it at least once before this IVF stuff gets intense. hopefully i can do it again next week.

while i was waiting in the doctor's office early this morning, full house was on the tv. haven't seen that show in forever but i {surprisingly} thought it was funny and was quite entertained.

work is so good. it is such a tender mercy that i am at this particular job with these particular people. it is incredible.

we got new curtains for the slider in our family room. i love them. and i'm really diggin this mirror.

i want to make roman shades for our large kitchen window over the sink. but i am so indecisive on the fabric. it is so hard to choose.

i got six viles of blood drawn this afternoon. there was no full house on in this office.

e is a webelos leader and the pinewood derby is tonight. i have never been to a pinewood derby, so this will be a first for me.

my birthday {and the beginning of my late twenties} is in 23 days. i don't find my birthdays nearly as thrilling as i used to. but i'm still excited. hoping for a pregnancy as my present {one expensive birthday present}.

a poem

we watched invictus over the weekend {somehow i got E to watch a movie with me}. it was a good movie. but this poem really hit me. like really.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

thursday thoughts

i've always really liked regina spektor, but right now i'm obsessed.

we're going backpacking this weekend, it's gonna be good!

i haven't done much sewing lately. right now i'm trying to finish a bag for my sis who just had a cute little baby girl named mazie.

a good scripture, Matthew 11: 28-30
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

this post was meant for me. it is amazingly perfect.

work has been so great. it is so much better, i am so much happier.

it's hot here and i usually don't mind it too much. but now it's getting to the point where 109 degree weather in september really bothers me. i am ready for it to at least drop into the 90's. please.

i'm excited for some good tv this fall. modern family, 30 rock, glee, and running wilde {yeah, keri russel}.

just me

I went to Target on Friday and got such a great deal on these shoes that I didn't even cry when I walked through the baby section. I also bought this shirt {i LOVE it}. Again with the blue and yellow. I can't help myself, I just gravitate to these colors.

I found out over the weekend that the last of my infertile friends is pregnant. Any infertiles out there want to be friends? You'll probably get pregnant if you're friends with me.

I am so exhausted it's not even funny any more. I fell asleep on the toilet this morning. We are {hoping} to list the Jasper house this week. It looks amazing!

This is us at Home Depot on Saturday night at 9pm {lately this is what every weekend looks like}

I never learned how to french braid hair {I know, crazy}. But then this weekend I taught myself how to do it by watching this video. I mean, it's not that hard but for some reason it never clicked before, but now it finally did. I love it and I've been doing my hair with some sort of braid variation every day. go me!

good

we labored intensively at the jasper house the whole weekend {although i didn't do much this time}. i mostly watched E hang things and handed him tools.

i ended up really enjoying the finale of LOST last night. at least emotionally it ended good. i don't think all the "questions" will ever be answered and of course not everything fits into place perfectly. but the majority of it does and i liked how i felt when it was over so that's good. {i was especially glad that richard didn't die like i previously thought.} and i have to admit i got a little teary eyed at certain spots. it's been a roller coaster of a show for the past 6 years, but i'm glad i watched it and stayed on till the end.

i'm addicted to sour candy. i love it. but it makes my tongue feel raw.

a good quote that really touched me
"There is a moth in a cocoon outside the window. It has been there for months, twisted by the wind, dampened by the rain, a reminder that the window frames should have been cleaned and painted last fall. It is spring, and there is a tiny hole in the end of the cocoon, a small probe pushing through, sawing back and forth, struggling to free the creature inside.
The moth has labored for hours, and only now has it pushed two legs through the hole. Inside in the darkness, does it know why it must struggle? Somewhere in the mass of cells and neurons that make up its tiny body, is it aware that the struggle is God's way of pumping fluid into its wings? If not for the struggle, it would come into the world with a swollen body and flightless wings. It would be a creature without strength, unable to fulfill its purpose."

yesterday we went {to the broadcast} of the Gila Valley Arizona Temple Dedication. it was so amazing. it renewed my soul. i heart thomas s monson. {and it doesn't hurt that he graduated from the U of U}

the one where i get excited

Gain FREE entrance to national parks from April 17-25. How awesome is this! Seriously take advantage of it and go explore a park or go on a hike. The spring weather right now is perfect for it too. Go here to see a listing of participating parks by state. Or if you're the visual type, go here to click on your state and see all the parks in the area. I wish we could go to a whole bunch of parks. National Parks rock! We are lucky that there happen to be a couple national parks on the way to/from Texas. We are definitely stopping at one or two during our long drive.

Only 1 more hour of work and then I'm done till next week! That's def something to get excited about.

I am also thrilled at the chance to maybe see some bluebonnets along the highways in TX. I hear they are gorgeous. I have no idea if we will see any where we are going, but I will be on the look out.

This may not be very exciting for anyone else but holy cow was I excited last night when I discovered that my sewing machine {that I've had for 3 years} came with a free motion foot! This opens up windows and doors of possibilities. I am so more than excited. And maybe you should be too because that means better looking quilts and projects coming from my little self. Too bad I can't experiment with it till next week. Too bad I can't bring my sewing machine with me in the car and sew for the 13 hour drive.

20 CLASS DAYS {29 days} TILL E GRADUATES

I get to work 4-10's this summer. Starting in 4 weeks, I will work Monday-Thursday - 10 hours a day and then get Friday off. I am not too excited at the prospect of working 10 hour days. BUT I am so excited for the change and the prospect of trying something new and the thought that I will have every Friday off. And you know what that means - more time to: play, take vacations, visit people, sew, sit on the couch, take weekend jaunts, go on road trips, sleep in and super long weekends for Memorial Day and Fourth of July. LOVE IT!

a list-full monday

1. I finished the car seat canopy for my sis in law and mailed it off today. I love it, isn't the fabric gorgeous. I took pictures of it, but it just looks like a reversible blanket. Which I guess it is. It's a blanket with straps attached to the center, so the blanket can be attached to the car seat handle. I'll have to convince my sis in law to take a picture of it actually on the car seat.

2. I am only working 3 days this week because on Thursday we are driving to Lubbock, TX. I know, exciting. I have never been to Texas so it will be great. I love going to new places, it's always an adventure. But I don't think there's much to do in Lubbock. We will be there for E to race in the Collegiate Triathlon National Championships.

3. Today I just feel like asking why. I know it's bad, no actually it's horrible. But sometimes I just can't help it.

4. On Saturday night, E and I drove around in search for some good steak to grill for our Sunday dinner. We stopped at 4 different stores until we found what we were searching for. But the best part of the night was discovering a natural/organic grocery store called sunflower farmers market. It was SO awesome. It is super close to us and their prices are great. Check it out they have locations in AZ, CO, NV, NM, TX and UT. It has the feel of a local store but carries almost all the same brands/stuff as Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. Plus their prices are way better than TJ or WF.

5. What's funny is that we spent our Saturday night driving around to different grocery stores, which sounds pretty lame but it was one of the most fun nights we've spent together.

6. I found the greatest fabric over the weekend, can't wait to share it on here later this week.

7. We started season two of 24. We decided it's not the best show for watching episodes so close together. We've been taking longer breaks in between each episode. We've been supplementing with Modern Family. It is hilarious, seriously laugh out loud funny.

8. Do you ever feel like life is really busy, but you're not really that busy at all.

9. Still trying to convince E to go to Hawaii in May. There are still dirt cheap tickets available. I'm taking the same approach on this, as getting pregnant {Maybe if I talk about it enough, it will happen}. But I don't have much hope for it working because this method hasn't really helped in getting pregnant.

10. Have I mentioned that I love the library. I do. Just checked out Born To Run. E is reading first and if he finishes in time for me to read before it has to go back, I will. If not, I will have to go back on the waiting list for it. I have enough books to keep me occupied at the moment.

in preparation

for updating my etsy shop... i made a new banner.
what do you think? does it represent me?

for E coming home... i am cleaning the house tonight. i've left it un-attended for the past week and now it's time to pick up the mess i've created. i am also moving the sewing machine...
just for you E.

for spring break... i am doing laundry so i can pack my bag and leave as soon as possible. it's supposed to be 81 degrees in lake havasu. i think i might bring my bathing suit
{exciting times ahead next weekend}.

for {maybe sometime, someday, one day, soon, in the future, hopefully before another year passes us by} getting pregnant... i am taking prenatals. yuck.

for my tri... i am trying to eat healthier.

for the weekend... i am planning my biking route for saturday morning, planning my days out by the hour {i get way more done this way}, planning what meals to cook, picking what thrift stores to visit and dreaming about not going back to work next week.



random thoughts as i typed this post: i ate fresh blueberries and raspberries for breakfast this morning {delicious}. i have 50 pages left of "a prayer for owen meany" {i am anxious to finish it. it has taken me a lot longer to finish this book than i anticipated}. i am reading the help next {only because it became available at the library and i have to take the chance while i have it}. i am so sick of seeing negative pregnancy tests. i am really lonely without E {i think i need to make some more friends. but it's hard to make friends with people that are "stay at homes" and have kids}. i am addicted to criminal minds {i have a crush on dr. reid}. i stay up way too late, it's even worse when E's out of town {it's a terrible habit}. which then results in me being late for work {also a terrible habit}. i follow over 200 blogs {what the what}. is that too many?

wednesday

E's out of town. he's in denver this week with his MRED class. i get to pick him up from the airport late thursday night. although i do enjoy some good alone time, i am ready for him to be back. i am lonely, but it's good to be lonely every once in a while. i get a lot of time to think and ponder about who i am/who i want to be. i get to sew till my hearts content and i don't have to cook. but life is much better with E around.

i went to the dentist yesterday and had 4 cavities filled. first time i've had cavities in 4 years. paying for expensive cavities always motivates me to take better care of my teeth.

while the numbness wore off i watched the curious case of benjamin button. it was a LONG movie and rather slow but overall enjoyable. i try to avoid watching shows/movies with pregnancy and birth, it's just too hard on me. well this one had both. even though the scene where she births their baby girl is only a minute long, i balled. it was good that i was alone.

lately my favorite thing to say in response to anything is "what the what" it makes me laugh every time. can anyone guess what show it is from?

i enjoyed lost last night, you know why, because kate wasn't in the episode. i do not like kate at all. i think she is a bad actress. just my opinion.







another project i'm working on... a baby boy quilt. i love these heather ross mendocino fabrics in blue, orange and brown. i cut the fabric into strips last night. my inspiration for this quilt from filim in the fridge.

oh and 1 more thing that's good about E being gone. i get to spend as much time as i want at the library. usually after the first hour i spend there i get a call from E asking where i am... then i know it's time to head home. today i am going to the library after work. since E is not here, i wont want to rush home. several hours of un-interupted library time will do my soul good.

the week is at an end

and the long weekend is beginning, which i {love}. no work on monday=sewing all day, which i {love} even more.

going backpacking over the weekend {for birthday/valentines} in the superstition mountains. we haven't backpacked since last march when we did this. i am excited to get out into the wilderness and refresh my soul. oh it does wonders. i {love} it. i'm sure i'll come back a much better version of myself.

haven't picked up my camera in ages and i am excited to take some pictures again. it's always a debate if i should bring the SLR with us. it's just so heavy and we already carry lots of weight. so i tend to ask eric what he thinks, because ultimately he will end up carrying it for me. when i emailed him yesterday about taking it he said, "we can bring your SLR, its your birthday. we should come up with a better way of carrying it than we did last time". it made me smile, i {love} him.

watched bedtime stories while eric was out on a ride last night. i am in {love} with keri russell. in {love} i tell you.

a week ago i bought some incredible fabric at this amazing fabric warehouse {which deserves a post of it's own} a block from our house. i got 1.5 yards of some lightweight cotton/poly designer fabric for $1.99. i {love} the print and bought it with the intention of making a skirt. i even bought some awesome thick elastic for a waistband {at the same place}. but i had yet to find a tutorial or pattern but i had an idea of what i wanted to do. the next day i found this on one of the blogs i follow. almost exactly what i was wanting to make out of my materials. i am so excited to try it.

gotta love {love}. hope you feel lots of {love} this weekend and always.

we never see things changing, we only see them ending

title is from one of my favorite lines, from one of my favorite singers. i feel that this is very applicable to me and my life right now.

this is my last week of work. i have mixed feelings about this. it will be nice to have a little break from working. but i have LOVED this job... it has been the best job i've had by far. the people are great, they are like my family. the campus is gorgeous, i never tire of staring at the beautiful scenery. i am a little sad to leave it all behind.

i don't think i ever mentioned that we recovered ALL our data from the crashed hard drive. this was made possible by my awesome cousins and their company inter data recovery services, who actually did all the hard work and reunited us with the data. it was a sweet, sweet reunion when we finally got it back. eric and i spent that night dancing to all the music we thought we'd lost. now we have everything backed up properly in 2 different places... we learned our lesson.

i think i'm in denial. i haven't really started processing the fact that in 2 weeks we will be gone. i haven't started packing a single thing. we have no boxes and haven't lined up a way to move our stuff. i don't have a job. we haven't decided on where to live. like i said, complete denial. but there's something to be said about sitting in limbo. it's kind of exhilarating.

when i answer the phone at work i say, "registrar's office, this is tiffany". i think i talk fast or slur my words (actually i know i do) because people call me all sorts of names. for example: stacey, vicky, sydney, kimberly, tracy and my favorite, stephanie.

on saturday i happened upon my accordion file of all the congratulatory cards we got from our wedding. there were 2 things i did and 3 things i thought. first thing i did, read all the cards. second thing i did, threw all but 10 of them in the trash. first thing i thought, A LOT of people loved and supported us. second thing i thought, has anyone else kept these kind of cards for 5 years. third thing i thought, maybe i shouldn't have just thrown them all away, i might want to read them in another 5 years and remember how much we were loved.

"You got a dream… you gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, so they wanna tell you, you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period."

happy guacamole

There's still 1 more spot left!

five

I spent way too much time the past couple weeks reading this blog about bachelor spoilers. I am so glad the bachelor is over and I am making a vow to never watch the horrible show again. It's a waste of time. Although, I did enjoy the time I spent with friends each Monday night watching the show. On the finale night we played a little jeopardy style game my friend made up with "Bachelor" questions. Guess who won... me. I know, it's pathetic. Hence the decision to never waste time watching the show again.

My 10k race is tomorrow. I am excited and a little nervous. My plan is to run a 9:40 minute mile pace and finish in 59 minutes. I'll let you know how that plan goes. I've been running pretty regularly and have really started to enjoy it. But I think a BIG part of enjoying it is that I have someone to go with, it makes a difference. Plus it doesn't hurt that it keeps my body looking and feeling great.

Sometimes I think boredom might actually be the death of me. I get so frustrated when I am bored at work. I just feel that I could be doing so many other great and enjoyable things (like working on my photography skills and sewing) with my time instead of sitting at a desk being bored. Work is so bittersweet. I am grateful to have such a good job and I look at it as a major blessing in my life. There are times when it brings me great joy. But sometimes going to work just doesn't feel like what I should be doing with my life. There's so much more I have to offer and so much more I could be doing and pursuing. On days when I feel like this I try to tell myself, "be patient".

I got some new boots... I am madly in love with them. I bought them over my birthday weekend in Huntington Beach. They were my birthday/valentines gift to myself, isn't that fantastic! My sis got the same boots. How are they working out Ali? Do you love them as much as I do?

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? I do. One major problem when I feel overwhelmed: I stop making progress on the things that are making me feel overwhelmed. Therefore creating more of those overwhelming feelings. It's a bad cycle. How do I overcome this? Breathe and then make myself get out of my comfort zone and DO those things that overwhelm me. It is no easy task. But I try and that's all I can expect out of myself.

positive vibration

I kind of feel like I'm in a blogging funk. My sister gave me some good advice yesterday, just write like you did before.

I got this new app on my I phone... it's called Tap Defense. I can't stop playing it and neither can Eric. It's funny, but seriously the game is addicting.

I heard about LDSJournal from Jo's (sis-in-law) blog. I have been using it like crazy and I love it. I am creating this great habit of typing in my little online journal everyday.

I ran an 8:34 minute mile last night. Eric pushed me to go faster than I normally do and it felt good. I am running a 10K in Santa Monica with my friend Jessica on March 7th. My goal is to do it in an hour or less. That's a 9:40 minute mile for 6 miles. It should be fun!

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and my pillow was on top of my feet and my head was still at the top of the bed, not on my pillow. I can't figure out why it was like that. And who knows for how long I was like that. It was weird and kind of funny.

I love when Eric gets excited about something, it's contagious. He gets excited. Then I get excited. Then we usually give each other a high-five, it's pretty awesome.

I think most people know this, I really love sewing. But what I love the most about it... it makes me feel like the whole and complete version of myself. Isn't it great to feel like that?

I am a little ashamed to admit it, but I am watching "The Bachelor" and "American Idol" this season and I am really liking it.

brown boots

I have these brown boots.

I got them from Nordstrom Rack. {Salt Lake}

As I was searching for shoes that winter afternoon I saw a bit of brown suede peeking out from under a pile of shoes. They spoke to me and when I pulled them out, they were my exact size. {Destiny}

They were hiding on the lower rack waiting for me to come find them. {not normal for boots, they are usually on the highest rack for everyone to see}
I paid 40 dollars for the incredible find. {originally 200 dollars}

They are brown. They are high-heels. They keep me warm. They are lovely. They are called Michael Kors.

They make other people smile. Every time I wear them {without fail} I get compliments. Just yesterday when I was at the grocery store, 2 different strangers cried out to me, I love your boots.

I also love my boots. {thank you nordstrom rack}

work is a bummer... i want to stay at home and sew all day.

randomness

I deep cleaned the apartment yesterday, it felt so good. As part of that, I reorganized my whole sewing area and it's way more functional and use able.

I counted the current projects I have going on right now... it is 7. Oh if I were made of time... and didn't have to sleep.

Eric held our friends new born baby several times in church today. He looked way too good with that baby in his arms. He did not want to give the baby back.

I tried a new recipe for dinner tonight. It turned out pretty decent. I like it when that happens.

Current music LOVES = Jonatha Brooke and Kendall Payne

St George in 3 days, here I come. Paid vacation rocks. I am looking forward to doing nothing except reading, sewing and hanging out with family. Oh and I can not wait to go to Lazy Daisy Cottage... the best quilt shop around.

One thing about Christmas I love - Laughing with family
One thing about Christmas I don't love - Eric's gift guessing ability

My mom recently reminded me of a time when I convinced her to feed me in bowls... on the floor... like a dog. I was 10 and this continued this for several weeks. I can very clearly remember this time in my life. What can I say, I love animals.

Eric eats root beer freezes right in front of my eye balls. This proves how strong my resistance to sweets has become. Try and tempt me... you'll see.

I am grateful for my heart.

I miss ...
Beating the Richards and Finlaysons at home run derby
Summer days in Hawaii with Eric
My old bedroom at my parents house
Cold Utah water
Rusty
Playing soccer
Walking home from school in the rain

I love ...
The 80 degree weather right now
Living in an apartment
Working at a University
Our ward
Sarah Mclachlan
Sharing a root beer and watching TV with Eric
Reading in bed

I am looking forward to ...Utah beating BYUSt George and Thanksgiving
Meeting baby Camden
Beating everyone in the kicking competition
Christmas and New Years
Seeing friends and family in Salt Lake
Seeing some snow again and being cold enough to drink hot chocolate

another day

This is the first time since NaBloPoMo started that I've had problems coming up with something to post. It doesn't help that I have been gone all day in San Diego (yes, it was a perfect, beautiful San Diego day). So here I sit at 11 pm on the computer, exhausted, with nothing to post about.


Here are some observations from my day

-Sometimes it's not easy to say I'm sorry. I needed to say "sorry" earlier today and I really wanted to, but I had to force the words out of my mouth. But once I did, I felt a lot better.

-San Diego is practically perfect in every way

-Eric is a people person

-I can not function without my iphone (I know, sad)

-I have really cute nieces and a REALLY talented sister in law

-Eating at sporting events is so overpriced. Six dollars for a lousy hot dog and five dollars for a bottle of water, come on!

-Eating dinner at a restaurant picked by an iphone application, in an area you've never been to before... can turn out good and be fun.

-Driving around your husbands mission areas time & time again and getting to witness the joy on his face talking about that time in his life, never gets boring.